Olympics: Post-Apocalypse Style
With the kick-off of the London Olympics on Friday night, complete with a rather apocalyptic NHS/giant baby scene, Wren and I have been discussing what the Games would look like in a post-apocalyptic world. The result is a cross between the Olympics, the Hunger Games, and a few other odd elements. Here’s how we see a few of the future events:
Track and field
A 400m sprint while being chased by zombies? I guarantee you that would see a drastic increase in record-breaking finishes. Other options include long jump over a pit of nuclear waste and attempting hurdles while being chased by wolves. Only the fittest will make it to the podium (if they’re lucky).
The post-apocalyptic world will most likely knowledge that, while it’s pretty awesome that some people can do backflips on a tiny beam and catch a ball while doing the splits, these aren’t very useful survival skills. That being said, the basic principles of gymnastics become much more relevant when taken outside the gym. Balancing on branches and vaulting over fallen trees anyone?
Again, a useful skill in a somewhat useless event. After the apocalypse and the disruption of the food distribution system known as the supermarket, archers will be much more highly valued than they are today. Shifting yet another event to the forest, the one that bags the most meat in a given amount of time wins.
Those thin blades with the safety tips aren’t going to do any real damage. Let’s see some proper swords and have the participants fend off a few zombies while they’re at it.
Of course, the apocalypse could also give rise to a whole host of new events. Navigating your way through an abandoned city, which presumably includes some undisclosed dangers, would be a nice addition. Fire-starting may not be the most exciting thing to watch, but then again neither is ping pong and being able to generate heat is a lot more useful.
The biggest challenge of hosting the post-apocalyptic games could be coping with the weather – if you think a little rain in London is bad, try holding beach volleyball with an uncertain monsoon or hurricane season. Or track events in the Midwest’s never-ending drought.
Whatever the challenges, the Olympics will probably overcome them; the Games have already survived their original “apocalypse” with the end of Greek civilization and survived to be reincarnated in the modern age. The next version could be even more exciting.