How to talk about the apocalypse without all of your friends, family, and coworkers thinking you’re crazy
Let me preface this post with the following: my friends and family DO think I’m crazy. Just not because I’m interested in *cough* obsessed with *cough* the apocalypse. My coworkers on the other hand still think that I am about as sane as it gets AND the know about the whole apocalypse thing. How’d I pull it off? Read on.
1. Don’t use any of these buzz words: ‘obsessed’, ‘prepping’, or ‘anticipating’ in reference to the apocalypse unless you are in a safe circle. You can explain away the intense amount of canned goods in your pantry by saying that you “just haven’t made it to the food bank yet.” The random black backpack full of survival gear in your car? It’s in case you feel like going hiking on the fly. Improvise; it’ll pay off.
2. Do not mention that you watch, read, write, or are at an way connected with a media outlet concerned primarily with the apocalypse. What a way for you to stamp the word ‘crazy’ on your forehead. People TALK about the apocalypse but most don’t expend any effort on it. If you, like us, DO expend effort on it, I recommend not mentioning it.
3. Now what if your coworkers/friends/family are speculating on say, the Mayan Doomsday, and you know the answer to their questions? Instead of jumping in all matter-of-fact with what you read last night in a math-heavy blog discussing the discrepancies between two interpretations of the calendar try something like this: “I heard that some people think that maybe….” Hedge. Be vague. make it sound like something you heard briefly on the radio or saw on Twitter. Address the problem, sure, put minds at ease, but don’t sound like you KNOW what you’re talking about.
4. If you DO say something with any amount of authority, make sure you either sound sarcastic or laugh at the end of the sentence/speech. That way people will feel more at ease about their concerns but also think that you aren’t serious. I don’t know why it works (I’m not a psychologist) but I know that it does.
5. When in doubt stay silent. Let’s say you’re like me and you work in a very forward thinking environment with open workspaces and no clear hierarchy. And you boss sits two very visible desks away from you. Well, a guy across the aisle says something about a Zombie apocalypse scenario and you have the perfect response. If you say what’s on your mind there are two possibilities: Either your boss will think you’re clever because or your quick response or your boss will think you’re crazy because you can talk so smoothly about social destruction by mass zombification. Er on the side of caution here and just don’t say anything at all.
Just because you’ve been obsessed with the apocalypse since you were a kid, have been prepping for ages, and can demonstrate 6 different ways to start a fire doesn’t mean you can’t fit in. You just have to know what NOT to say about your little pet-obsession. Keep it in the circle, find people like yourself to vent your pre-apocalypse feelings to. DON’T submit your coworkers to that sort of thing. Especially not if it’s important to your job that you be likable. Just a wee tip.